bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
