I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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