I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
