Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
