I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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