Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Girls should come with a carfax report
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
This is the high leading the old right now
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
