I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
