Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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