It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
