Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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