I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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