Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
