Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
