I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
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