and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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