dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
