my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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