That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
