Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
