Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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