Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
