Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
