well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
