I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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