My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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