I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
