I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
