yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
