hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sorry about my life...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
