in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
