we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
