I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
