Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
