Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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