What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
