he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
