mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
