my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
