3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just wanna soil my oats bro
...so i touched it.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
