there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My life is pants optional.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
