so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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