I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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