is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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