But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
