I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
