first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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