i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
