This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
