So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
