The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
